What he says matters

6/7/15
Sunday
Steven said we better get up if we want any chance of getting to church on time. He went down and helped w/ the kids. I got dressed then finished w/ the kids and relieved him and he got in the shower. We left. I texted that we had room for him in the chapel. He said he'd sit in the back. I sent a sad face. He said I shouldn't be surprised b/c I know he doesn't like climbing over people. I said that it was only 2 people then Don. He didn't want to sit by Don. Of course I could have replied and said something about rearranging seats and I could sit by him, but I don't think he wanted to sit by me. I don't think he wanted to be near me. He had made up his mind to be pissed.

He later texted that he's going to visit Everett after sacrament mtg which he did.

I was going to go over to my mom's to see Martin, my bro, who would be there all day - still in town for the funeral. But I waited at home. I napped w/ a kid once Steven got home. He was clearly irritated w/ me on the phone when he called to tell me he was on his way home from the hospital. I tried to not be irritated. We could both tell the other was in a bad mood. Who knows who sounded that way first. I thought he did from when he initially told me that. He said I did from when I said "ok." I asked him what was wrong and if he was ok. He said he was. But he wasn't.

He wanted Tyler to take a nap and threatened him. I took a nap w/ Tyler and woke up to make him dinner. I made green bean casserole and a broccoli/chicken/rice meal from a Velvita box. My mom texted that she was making steak fajitas. I told Steven that. He said something about it not mattering what he wanted to do. I was fuming mad from that. Julia was on my lap crying. Steven had his back to me and was perhaps feeding Tyler or something. I had stayed home, not knowing when he would be back, woke up to make the best dinner I could w/ nothing in the house, knowing my mom had left over food at least, only to be told that he doesn't think that I care about what he thinks. Wow. I left the crying baby. I went to my room to lay down and get away. I can't argue in front of the kids. He is clearly thinking he's right. But what do I do?

He came up. I hoped he wanted to talk. No. He said that's why he can't talk to me. He said that he had wanted Pizza and a movie the night before. He clearly stated what he wanted and he didn't get it and 100% blamed me.

I texted my mom that I wasn't coming. I texted through tears a goodbye to Martin. I texted Don that we could see Everett another day. (I had planned on taking the kids over there, hanging out a bit, then going w/ Don to the hospital to see Everett since Barbie said he could go but only when she was there and they were going at some point.) What Steven says does matter. He's probably upset with it being the suckiest birthday weekend ever. Before the funeral, and one reason I was not early/on time, was that I had made a scavenger hunt for him for his birthday. I had made a crown the night before. I had wanted him to feel important and not forgotten although it was pretty aweful to have his birthday trumped by a funeral.

The night before, right before we went to bed, I had asked him if he was upset with me about his warm shake. He kind of laughed and thought that was petty and squeezed my shoulder and basically made me feel like a stupid kid for thinking such a thought. So I figured it was ok, then.